WANNABE MY BUFFER?
To the tune of "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna be a buffer.

If you want my protons you need a mix that lasts,
Get the proportions right and make it fast,
But don’t make your mix with those strong kinds,
You’ve got to stick with weak ones ‘cause they work just fine.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna be a buffer.

If you wanna be my buffer, you’ve gotta accept protons,
Forming dative bonds with lone pairs from your conjugate ions,
Now mop up all my H+, I really must insist,
You shift on to the right pH changes to resist.


Now what d’ya think about that…
My pH is too high,
All those hydroxides from that alkali
Won’t you please help me, I'll give you the prize
If my pH changes you can minimise.

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna be a buffer.

If you wanna be my buffer, you’ve gotta give me protons,
Dissociate that acid to make H+ ions,
If you wanna be my buffer, you have got to give,
But taking’s also easy, for you that’s how it is.

So here's the story from Ka to Kb, you wanna neutralise me
you gotta listen carefully,
We got them in the place where shampoo’s in your face,
They’re in blood and the sea controlling it so
Easily and they come for free, that’s really handy,
And many other places, yes, you’ll see
Like amino acids amphoteric’ly
And the fizzy drink that I had with my tea.

If you wanna be my buffer, you gotta shift from both ways,
Selecting from weak acids with just the right Ka’s,
Those conjugate base ions they must be present too
Calculations won’t be easy, I’m glad we’re in A2.

If you wanna be my buffer, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,
you gotta, you gotta, shift, shift, shift, shift
Shift it to the right the pH to keep down.
Shift it to the left or in acid you will drown.

Shift it all around the pH to keep sound.

Short instrumental

If you wanna be my buffer.

C Downey, January 2001